Verbal Judo by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins: A Comprehensive Book Summary
“Verbal Judo” is a practical guide to persuasive communication, grounded in the real-world experiences of law enforcement. Co-authored by George J. Thompson, a former English professor turned police officer, and Jerry B. Jenkins, a bestselling author, the book teaches how to handle conflict with grace, empathy, and authority. It reveals verbal techniques that can defuse tension, avoid unnecessary conflict, and achieve better outcomes in difficult conversations.
Who May Benefit from the Book
- Law enforcement professionals seeking safer and more respectful communication tactics
- Customer service agents dealing with upset or aggressive clients
- Couples and families looking to improve their communication patterns
- Managers and team leaders who navigate workplace conflicts
- Anyone interested in persuasive speaking and emotional control
Top 3 Key Insights
- Empathy is the foundation of persuasive communication.
- Commands and condescension escalate conflict; calm explanations reduce it.
- Paraphrasing helps maintain control and show understanding in any conversation.
4 More Lessons and Takeaways
- Avoid Using Imperatives: Harsh commands like “Come here!” can cause resistance. Polite, clear requests work better.
- Rules Need Reasons: Simply stating “the rules are the rules” is not persuasive. Explain why a rule exists.
- Empathy, Not Sympathy: Understanding someone’s view doesn’t mean you agree—it helps you communicate effectively.
- Timing Is Everything: Don’t react in the heat of the moment. Wait, listen, then speak with control and clarity.
The Book in 1 Sentence
Use calm, respectful language to resolve conflict, gain cooperation, and communicate with power—without ever raising your voice.
The Book Summary in 1 Minute
“Verbal Judo” teaches you how to speak with purpose and control, especially in stressful or confrontational situations. Developed by a police officer, the method emphasizes empathy, listening, and word choice to avoid escalation and gain compliance. It warns against harsh commands and encourages thoughtful, respectful dialogue. By paraphrasing, timing your responses, and focusing on the other person’s needs and emotions, you can master the art of persuasion and keep conversations on track—even in the most intense moments.
The Book Summary in 7 Minutes
Verbal Judo is a form of martial arts for the mouth—a way to use words to redirect energy and maintain control. Instead of fueling conflict, it channels it toward resolution.
What Is Verbal Judo?
Verbal Judo is the art of using words to avoid conflict, gain voluntary compliance, and build respect. George J. Thompson coined the term while working as both a police officer and a communication expert. The method takes inspiration from the martial art judo, where an opponent’s energy is not resisted directly but redirected.
The Power of Empathy
At the heart of Verbal Judo is empathy—seeing through the eyes of the other person. The authors explain that empathy enables connection. Without it, communication feels cold or dismissive.
Empathy means recognizing the other person’s emotions and perspective. It’s not sympathy. You don’t have to feel sorry for someone to empathize. You simply acknowledge their point of view, which helps to lower defenses and opens the door to cooperation.
Replace Orders with Explanations
People resist being ordered around. Harsh commands trigger defensiveness and defiance. The book advises against using statements like “Come here” or “Because I said so.” These statements may seem authoritative, but they break rapport.
Instead, the authors recommend:
- Politely asking for cooperation
- Giving people a reason
- Framing the request as a choice
Instead of “Put that down!” try “I need you to put that down so no one gets hurt. Can you do that for me?”
Paraphrasing as a Tool
Paraphrasing is repeating what someone said in your own words. This tool achieves two goals:
- Shows the speaker that you’re listening
- Allows you to steer the conversation
Paraphrasing slows things down and helps you stay in control. It gives the speaker a chance to clarify or adjust, and gives you space to guide the dialogue in a more productive direction.
Timing and Calmness
Speaking in the heat of emotion rarely works well. The authors emphasize patience and timing. Calm is contagious. If you remain composed, the other person may mirror your tone. If you’re tense and reactive, things can quickly spiral.
When conflict arises:
- Take a breath
- Listen carefully
- Wait before responding
In law enforcement, this tactic often diffuses tension without needing to escalate force.
The Five-Step Hard Style
For situations where voluntary compliance is needed—like law enforcement interactions—the book presents a five-step strategy:
- Ask: Start with a polite request.
- Set Context: Explain why it’s important.
- Present Options: Share consequences of choices.
- Confirm: Check understanding and give a chance to comply.
- Act: Take necessary action if there’s still no cooperation.
This system gives people multiple opportunities to make the right choice, and makes your authority clear without being harsh.
Words to Avoid
Certain phrases automatically create resistance. The book advises avoiding these:
| Phrase | Why It’s Harmful |
|---|---|
| “Because I said so” | Feels authoritarian and dismissive |
| “Come here!” | Sounds like a demand, creates defensiveness |
| “Calm down!” | Often has the opposite effect |
| “You wouldn’t understand” | Sounds condescending and insulting |
Instead, explain your reasoning. Say, “Let me share why this matters,” or “Here’s what’s going on.”
Using Tone and Body Language
Verbal Judo isn’t just about the words—it’s about tone, timing, and presence. A calm, steady voice paired with open body language builds trust.
Use what the authors call the “strip phrase.” It’s a polite statement used to deflect insults or maintain calm. For example, if someone says, “You’re an idiot,” you can respond, “I understand you’re upset, and I’d like to help.”
Real-World Examples
Thompson shares stories from his days as a police officer—how a gentle tone de-escalated a suicide attempt, or how paraphrasing turned an angry suspect into a cooperative one.
One lesson from a senior officer stood out: during a domestic call, the officer read the newspaper in front of the arguing couple. This unexpected action interrupted their argument without confrontation, allowing for peaceful resolution.
The author learned that sometimes, indirect action speaks louder than direct command.
About the Author
George J. Thompson was a former English professor and black belt in judo who later became a police officer. He combined his academic background, martial arts training, and law enforcement experience to create Verbal Judo—a method now taught in police departments, businesses, and schools around the world.
Jerry B. Jenkins is a prolific author known for the bestselling Left Behind series. He co-authored “Verbal Judo” to help bring Thompson’s voice and techniques to life for a wider audience, ensuring clarity and narrative flow.
Verbal Judo Quotes
“Never react to what people say. React to what they mean. Just remember: People hardly ever say what they mean.”
“YOU NEVER …” OR “YOU ALWAYS …” These absolute generalizations are lies. Is it true that a child never cleans up his room? (Okay, bad example. That may be true!) Is it true that your spouse is “always late”? Accusatory generalizations are rarely true and indicate that you have both lost perspective and will soon lose the attention of your listener.”
How to Get the Best of the Book
Read the book slowly, chapter by chapter. Practice the key phrases in everyday situations. Apply the five-step method when faced with conflict.
Conclusion
“Verbal Judo” offers a powerful toolkit for speaking with calm authority, even in tense moments. It equips readers to lead conversations, reduce conflict, and build deeper understanding—without ever raising their voices.
