Words Can Change Your Brain

Our words shape our relationships, our emotions, and even our brains. In Words Can Change Your Brain, neuroscientist Andrew Newberg and communication expert Mark Robert Waldman reveal the science behind how words can influence the brain’s neural patterns and emotional responses. This groundbreaking book provides practical strategies to improve communication, deepen empathy, and foster more meaningful connections—both personally and professionally.

Who May Benefit from the Book

• Professionals looking to build deeper, more meaningful relationships.
• Individuals interested in enhancing interpersonal communication skills.
• Entrepreneurs seeking to improve networking strategies.
• Those wishing to form lasting personal and professional bonds.
• Anyone desiring to shift from transactional to relational networking.

Top 3 Key Insights

• The “Gather, Ask, Do” method promotes authentic networking by focusing on human connection over transactional exchanges.
• Trust, built through actions, is the foundation of lasting relationships and is earned through consistent, small gestures.
• Networking is most effective when individuals focus on what they can offer others, not just what they can gain.

4 More Lessons and Takeaways

• The importance of clarity in networking goals. Clear professional objectives guide individuals to form the right connections, ensuring each relationship serves a purpose.
• Cultivating meaningful relationships starts with introspection, understanding personal behaviors and goals, which are reflected in professional interactions.
• Existing relationships are a valuable asset. Nurturing the people you already know can unlock new opportunities and expand your network more effectively than focusing solely on new contacts.
• Authentic connection is driven by empathy. By offering help without the expectation of immediate return, you position yourself as a trusted ally, building a stronger, more sincere network.

The Book in 1 Sentence

In The Lost Art of Connecting, Susan McPherson presents a powerful method to forge genuine, lasting relationships by focusing on connection over transaction.

The Book Summary in 1 Minute

In The Lost Art of Connecting, Susan McPherson reveals a new approach to networking, focusing on cultivating authentic relationships rather than transactional exchanges. She introduces the “Gather, Ask, Do” method, emphasizing organic connection-building through shared experiences, offering help, and establishing trust. McPherson also highlights the importance of setting clear networking goals, appreciating existing relationships, and offering support to others without expecting immediate returns. The book is an insightful guide for anyone seeking to build a meaningful and supportive professional and personal network.

The Book Summary in 7 Minutes

The Lost Art of Connecting by Susan McPherson is a guide that shifts the paradigm of networking from transactional to relational. In a world overwhelmed by digital connections, McPherson emphasizes the importance of returning to the basics of human interaction, focusing on authentic relationships instead of superficial ones.

Introduction to the Gather, Ask, Do Method

McPherson’s Gather, Ask, Do method offers a three-step framework to build deep, lasting relationships. Each step plays a crucial role in transforming networking into a meaningful, human-centered experience.

Step 1: Gather

“Gather” is the foundation of networking, where meaningful connections are initiated. McPherson stresses that networking should not be about collecting as many business cards or LinkedIn connections as possible. Instead, it’s about creating an environment where relationships can flourish naturally. This involves forming networks through shared experiences, such as attending events, collaborating on projects, or participating in activities that align with personal values.

Step 2: Ask

The second step, “Ask,” focuses on the importance of offering help to others. Networking isn’t just about what you can gain but about how you can support others. McPherson advocates for the “How can I help?” approach. By offering assistance without the expectation of immediate reciprocation, you establish trust and empathy, which are crucial for building lasting relationships.

Step 3: Do

The final step, “Do,” emphasizes the importance of actions over words. Building trust in relationships requires follow-through. McPherson explains that small acts of kindness and help, such as a five-minute favor, can accumulate and solidify trust over time. In a world where people are constantly overwhelmed, these small actions are powerful tools for demonstrating reliability and care.

The Importance of Clarity in Networking Goals

A significant insight from McPherson’s book is the importance of having clear goals when entering the networking world. Without clear intentions, networking can feel like wandering aimlessly in a vast sea of contacts. McPherson suggests taking time for self-reflection to define what you want from your network—whether it’s finding a mentor, seeking collaborators, or simply expanding your circle. This clarity serves as a compass, guiding your interactions and helping you prioritize the relationships that align with your aspirations.

Cherishing Existing Relationships

In the rush to expand our networks, it’s easy to overlook the value of existing relationships. McPherson stresses that nurturing the relationships you already have is just as important, if not more so, than seeking new connections. Research has shown that the quality of our relationships, even in the workplace, impacts our overall wellbeing and success. By appreciating and investing in your current network, you can create a powerful foundation that helps expand your reach through word of mouth, referrals, and introductions.

Authenticity Over Transaction

One of the most transformative ideas in McPherson’s book is the shift from transactional networking to authentic, human connection. In many professional environments, networking has become a competition, with individuals focusing on what they can gain. McPherson encourages readers to flip this mindset and instead ask, “How can I assist?” This shift to a service-based approach helps to remove the pressure of networking events and fosters an environment of trust and mutual support.

Making Your Request Count

When it’s time to ask for help or make a request, McPherson suggests being specific, clear, and time-sensitive. A vague or overly broad request can overwhelm your contacts and decrease your chances of success. Instead, she advocates for making concise, actionable requests—such as asking for a quick introduction or a short, focused meeting. By being clear about what you need and why it matters, you increase your chances of receiving a positive response.

The Role of Empathy in Connection

Empathy plays a pivotal role in building strong relationships. McPherson emphasizes that understanding others’ needs and challenges is essential in forming connections. By listening actively and offering solutions or support without expecting immediate returns, you deepen the relationship and build genuine trust. Empathy allows individuals to connect on a more personal level, moving beyond the surface to form authentic bonds.

The Ripple Effect of Networking

McPherson also discusses the concept of the “ripple effect” of networking. Each connection you make can open doors to new opportunities, not only for you but for others in your network as well. By investing in your relationships, you inadvertently invest in the success of others, creating a cycle of growth and collaboration that benefits everyone involved.

Actionable Steps to Implement the Gather, Ask, Do Method

To implement the Gather, Ask, Do method effectively, McPherson suggests starting with small actions. Begin by identifying one or two people in your existing network who you would like to connect with more deeply. Reach out to them with a genuine offer of help. This could be as simple as sharing an article or introducing them to someone who could benefit from their work. As you build momentum, you can expand your efforts to a broader group of contacts.

About the Author

Susan McPherson is a recognized expert in the field of social impact and networking. As the founder and CEO of McPherson Strategies, a firm specializing in corporate social responsibility, she has extensive experience working at the intersection of business and social good. McPherson has contributed to renowned publications like Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, and Forbes. She is a sought-after speaker and thought leader on the topics of networking, social impact, and business strategy.

How to Get the Best of the Book

To get the most from The Lost Art of Connecting, read the book with an open mind and a willingness to implement McPherson’s strategies. Focus on the “Gather, Ask, Do” method and begin practicing it in both your personal and professional life. Reflect on your networking goals and start small by nurturing existing relationships before expanding your network.

Conclusion

The Lost Art of Connecting offers a refreshing approach to networking that prioritizes genuine human connections over transactional interactions. Susan McPherson’s insights and the actionable Gather, Ask, Do method provide a powerful framework for building meaningful, long-lasting relationships. By focusing on empathy, trust, and clear goals, readers can transform their networking efforts into a fulfilling and enriching experience.